i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
