Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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