he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
