Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
