people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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