She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
