I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
