i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
