I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
