Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
