I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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