I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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