we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
