the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
