I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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