brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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