Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can you bring me the toilet please
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
