She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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