No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.