There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity