help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
