He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.