i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."