Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Life is so much better after having sex.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.