So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
