So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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