member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
