i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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