Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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