Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
