he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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