I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
