Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
