I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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