How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
