sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
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A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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