No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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