oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
MIDGETS
????
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
