i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
