I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
