She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
