I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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