just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
