normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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