Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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