Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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