I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
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hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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