Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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