Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
