I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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