'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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