I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
