He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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