Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
