I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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