you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
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If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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