yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
