so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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