why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
