Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
be right there i have to get my cape
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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