so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
