Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i will never coherently bang her
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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