Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
