I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
