If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
