I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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