Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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