margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
