Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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