nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
