i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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