I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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