Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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