haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
two words...techno handjob
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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