Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
