We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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