Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
