At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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