Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
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im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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