I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
