All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
