that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
