It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
