Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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