exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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