I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There r osticjed everywhere
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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