Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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