Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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