if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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